Osama Bin Laden is blaming the United States alone for the Global Warming problem. Well, of course he is. According to him, the U.S. is to blame for everything that goes awry in the universe from body odor to sunspots. As a matter of fact, my chair cracked and fell out from underneath me the other day and no sooner had I realized what had happened and why I found myself flat on my butt with my feet in the air, did I receive a mysterious phone call from what sounded like a man speaking through excessive facial hair and a crackly microphone.
"The United States is to blame for your unfortunate chair-cracking incident," the mysterious voice informed me. I swore I heard a reverb, as though this voice was speaking to me from like a tunnel or a bathroom or a CAVE."Bin Laden, is this you again?" I queried, rubbing my sore backside. "Look freak, the only reason I cracked my chair and fell out of it is because I ate too many Ho-Ho's last week. I fail to believe that the mean ol’ United States came to my house when I wasn't looking and loosened the screws. Why must everything be a damn conspiracy to you? Also, I'm tracing this call, and maybe THIS TIME, we'll actually hone in on you and take you into custody like we should have nine freaking years ago. Yeah. What do you think about that, sucker?"
Then, as if Bin Laden could somehow see into our intelligence system (NOTE: he actually probably can), there was a click on the other end of the line, followed immediately by the deafening crunch of my door being broken down. The last thing I remember, I saw a cannister of some kind come tinkling in by my feet and then I woke up in an interrogation room. It’s now five hours later and I forgot everything I was trying to talk about here. I thought that “Men in Black” stuff was only in the movies.
Ambz the Ripper
No comments:
Post a Comment