John Travolta Tries to Help - Ends up Capitalizing on a National Disaster

I am a natural humanitarian as I think all, um, humans should be. But it was made blatantly clear to me today that every time a celebrity tries to help after a huge disaster like Haiti, they always end up eff'ing it up.

Disclaimer: I find nothing funny about the disaster in Haiti. I find everything disgusting about stinking rich celebrities with their own personal whack-job agendas.

John Travolta stepped up to the plate recently by flying his own jet to Haiti, filled with relief supplies (OK, good so far), doctors (Wow, what a guy!), and (wait for it) Scientology ministers (foghorn blast).

Because the most important thing to the hundreds of thousands of victims of one of the most devastating earthquakes we'll see in our lifetime is for Danny Zuko and his strange and off-putting butt chin to whisk in and warn Haitians about the dangers of psychiatry.

You almost had it, John Travolta. You were so close to appearing to be a normal and concerned human being by sharing your ridiculous wealth with a suffering people. Now if you could just keep your religion in your pants and stop viewing horrifying circumstances as an open door for your belief in a religion that has as much credibility as the Bat Boy story, well, that would do just fine, thanks. I'd like to tell John Travolta the same thing I tell my call girls:

"Just leave the money on the table. Nobody cares what you think."

Ambz the Ripper