In case you were wondering what the always-classy Jessica Simpson has been up to lately (which if you’re like everyone else on the planet, you probably weren’t) well, she's been having high-profile meetings to ensure that her wildly successful acting and music career keeps careening full speed ahead and, oh, who am I kidding? I can’t even keep a straight face. Turns out she's busting ass in front of important people. US Magazine has the stinky exclusive.
A source tells Us Weekly that Jessica Simpson had a, ahem, windy moment during a business meeting for her denim line in late January. "While one of the executives was speaking in a room full of five people, Jessica let out a very loud fart," says the insider. Her mother [Tina Simpson] was there, and it prompted her to turn around and yell, 'Jessica!' The tension was extreme. No one knew what to say."
Well, I would have known what to say and that is "P…U! Jessica totally farted." And then I'd have clipped a clothes pin on my nose and asked her if this was her pitch to demonstrate the sturdiness of the denim used for her line."Miss Simpson, am I to understand that you believe you have discovered a state-of-the-art denim technology that allows you to blow butt in your jeans and not have it reek to high heaven of bacon-wrapped donuts? Because everyone's eyes still seem to be watering. Although I am pleased to see that the backside of your jeans are no longer radiating a cloud of denim dust, which means either you cut back on your intake of deep-fried chimichangas (*chuckle* yeah right), or you figured out a plan to sturdy the denim, for which you are to be commended. However, the fact that there is a pesky green cloud lingering in your general vicinity can only mean that we haven't yet solved the filtration problem. Back to the drawing board with the plans - and back to your cage with you."
Ambz the Ripper
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