Bruce Snowden recently passed away at the age of 63, marking the end of the Fat Man Sideshow attraction. Billed as "Howard Huge" (*giggle*), Snowden had been fatting it up since 1977 until his death on November 9, 2009, the news of which was only recently released.
Since I seem to have a knack for always being at the right place at the right time, after reading the news, I realized that I’d been fortunate enough to have scored an interview with Howard Huge a mere week before his not-so-surprising passing.
Ambz the Ripper: “So, "Mr. Huge, I see that you're um...fat. Like really fat. Are those floorboards going to hold throughout this interview or should I reinforce them with titanium steel beams?"
Ambz the Ripper: “Oh. Oh my. Well, I would just like to ask you a few questions before you run out of breath. What I really want to know is what makes you so GD special and unique since there are like a billionty obese people in America these days? I mean, these days all one has to do in order to gawk at an obese person is go down to the local all-you-can-eat buffet or any Wal-Mart. I know, because I do this often." Howard Huge: “YOU LOOK LIKE BEANPOLE. ME WANT TO EAT BEANPOLE!”
Ambz the Ripper: “Look, Huge Howard. If you don't stop looking at me as though I am a piece of lean, premium tenderloin I'm going to have to cut this interview short because, frankly, I would like to walk out of here without gnaw marks on my calves."
Howard Huge: “YOU SAID TENDERLOIN! I WANT TO...”
Ambz the Ripper: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. YOU WANT TO EAT! This interview is over.”
Defeated, I rose from my chair, thanked Howard Huge's hoser-offers, and turned to walk away.
Howard Huge: “I SEE RUMP ROAST! I WANT TO EAT RUMP ROAST!”
This USDA-approved premium cut ran from Howard Huge's fat barn flailing my arms and screaming like a little bitch. At least I knew he’d never be able to catch me.
Ambz the Ripper
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