Remember Governor Mark Sanford? You know, the grimy politician who went AWOL to go see his hot piece of ass on the side in Argentina? Well, apparently the reason Sanford wasn't impeached immediately after his disappearing act was because the guy in line for his job, Lt. Govenor Andre Bauer, already had a reputation of being a complete asshole. Proving once an asshole, always a major douche, Bauer recently opened the stink hole in his face about exactly what his views are on government aid, specifically welfare:
"My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed! You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that."
I was fortunate enough to be in the vicinity as Bauer released this statement. I happened to be sifting through a burning barrel near the town hall and made an auspicious find amidst the rubbish, a state-of-the-art tape recorder with a built-in bullshit translator. When I returned home to the cardboard box I call home and opened my can of beans with my lone tooth, I played the translated interview back and, no joke, this is what I heard:
"My grandmother was a big ol' honky, and the day she actually spoke to me directly and not through a nanny, she told me that poor people are like stray dogs with mange that have nothing but hedonistic sex on the brain. Oh yeah, and they stink. These wastes of flesh will only make more babies if you give them food and allow them to live, and who the hell wants that? All tainting up the human race and shit."
As I gummed my beans and lit a fart for warmth, I couldn't help but be a little angry - at the voters. It's like we take the most evil and ignorant and silver-spooned idiot and say, "That's the one. That's the guy I want making my decisions for me! Woo-wee things are gonna get better now!"
Can’t we just STOP IT?!
Ambz the Ripper
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