Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I Scream; You Scream; We All Scream for...

I made a fantastic discover last Thursday evening at my local Target super store. Yes, I know we’re supposed to be boycotting the retail behemoth because they won’t let gay people have sex in the home furnishings department or whatever [See note(1)], but I’ve never been much of an activist and I was in need of several toiletry items that are typically far more expensive at the grocery store. The plan was to dash in, grab my body wash, deodorant, toothpaste, and contact lens solution and be out of there in under five minutes toting a single shopping bag. But you know what they say about the best laid plans…

As it turns out, this particular Target had just completed a remodeling – one which left them with a huge fresh grocery section. To promote the new inventory, they had significantly marked down prices on a number of items, and I quickly found myself trading in my little hand basket for a full-blown oversized grocery cart. I strolled slowly down each aisle, plucking items from the shelves to fill the cart. While pleased at some of the bargains I was finding, the moment of indescribable bliss came when I approached the frozen foods section, or, more specifically, the ice cream freezer. As if it weren’t enough that Edy’s ice cream was marked at a mere $2.69 per half gallon, a radiant light shone down from heaven on two half gallons of an Edy’s Slow Churned flavor I’d not seen in two years – Limited Edition S’mores.

You see, I’d had this variety of Edy’s over two years ago while on lake-house vacation in Pennsylvania. Since returning to civilization, every trip to Safeway, Giant, or Wegman’s had included a hopeful swing down the ice cream aisle, but I’d not been able to locate the delightful combination of “toasted marshmallow and chocolate light ice creams with a graham cracker swirl, marshmallows, and chocolaty chips.” (Description courtesy of the Edy’s official website – I’d never say “chocolaty.”)

I blinked in disbelief, momentarily stunned at my discovery. My eyes darted left and right. Might there be other shoppers approaching poised to knock me out of the way to secure the last two containers for themselves? This was serious stuff. The last time I remember searching so persistently for an item was when my son was seven years old and desperately wanted a red Power Ranger for Christmas. People get killed over stuff like this; it was a time for immediate and decisive action! I swung open the freezer doors, grabbed the sweet creamery gold, and hid the treasures under other more mundane foodstuffs.

Once home, I warned my 20-year-old son that the Edy’s S’mores was NOT to be consumed in total overnight. He grunted something along the lines of, “Whatever, Mom. It’s just ice cream,” but later that night as I sat at my dining room table pecking away on my laptop, I heard him in the kitchen, first opening the cabinet to grab a bowl, then moving on to the silverware drawer for a spoon, and finally to the freezer as he made his play for the S’mores. As is his practice, he disappeared back to his room with the ice cream laden bowl, only to return a few minutes later.

“Mom! I can’t believe that no one invented this flavor of ice cream before! It’s incredible!”

Just ice cream, indeed.

I returned to Target again yesterday and was happy (intentional understatement) to see that the inventory had been replenished. I procured three more ½ gallons – two for my house and one for a co-worker to whom I had described this heavenly treat, piquing her interest. She, too, was a disbeliever until she tried it for herself, careful to ensure her virgin bite included a bit of the graham cracker swirl I’d raved about so enthusiastically. She’s now a fervent disciple of Edy’s Limited Edition S’mores.

As I wrap up this blog entry, I realize I may be shooting myself in the foot by sharing news of this frozen bit of utopia with the world, but I shall post my ramblings nonetheless. All I ask is that you steer clear of the Target in Sterling, VA. After all, I’d hate for someone to get hurt.

(1) The boycott is actually in response to a $150,000 political donation made by Target to a group called MN Forward who supports a Minnesota candidate strongly opposed to gay rights. The candidate would not comment on whether or not he supported the right of gays to enjoy Edy’s Limited Edition S’mores ice cream.

Candy Parker

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