Saturday, July 10, 2010

Lesbians - The Un-Pampered Chefs

I know there are exceptions to every rule, but lately I’ve been wondering – what the hell is up with lesbians and their lack of hostessing skills? I ask because virtually every friend I have is astounded by my ability to plan and present a dinner party. I serve up a roast, rice, garlic bread, and a vegetable and am greeted with “Ooohs” and “Aaahs” akin to those received by David Copperfield when he made the Statue of Liberty disappear!

Most of my friends are self-proclaimed neophytes in the kitchen, admittedly unable to do much more than is required to “cook” a frozen meal in the microwave. Many have more beer cozies than glassware and readily admit that what they most often make for dinner is a phone call.

I ask – is it really that unusual to be able to host dinner for eight and set the table with complementary dishes and silverware? Does the fact that I count a mundane gadget such as a garlic press amongst my possessions truly render me an anomaly in the lesbian community? Is it, in fact, odd that I can serve up martinis in actual martini glasses? Does the rendering of a complete Thanksgiving meal honestly qualify me for deity status?

I fear many of my Sapphic sisters have gone the way of lifelong bachelors as relates to their culinary skills. I suppose it can make sense for those who came to terms with their sexual preference early in life and were never, therefore, cast in a traditional role in a male/female relationship, though I don’t really attribute my ability to read and execute a recipe to my 11 years of marriage. I definitely had a fondness for Tupperware (which can most likely be ascribed to the fun rainbow colors in which the contraptions were molded) and could easily discern between a gas and an electric stove long before I took my vows.

So pray tell – why the glaring lack of gastronomic mastery, my friends? Don’t be skerred – just get out there, or rather in there, and do it! To get you started, I have recipes/directions for Asado Negro (an amazing pot roast recipe from a Venezuelan co-worker; no racial undertones intended), a three-cheese tortellini pasta salad, and pasta fagioli (my Italian ex-mother-in-law’s formula) all typed up and ready to send out. Just drop a line to and I’ll send ‘em along.

GAY e-magazine, the e-zine by lesbians with a sense of humor…who can also cook.

Candy Parker


  1. Maybe you just need to widen your circle of friends. I do think it's sad that so many younger women don't cook. Nothing says good times like a potluck of sticks and twigs held together by some tofu/yogurt concoction. Used to be, back in the day, when the only way to socialize was over a home cooked meal at some lesbian's house. I blame Barnes and Noble and lesbians can meet in public. You can stop by my house anytime for a home cooked meal, served on matching place settings..hell I'll even throw on a tablecloth. That Martha Stewart has nothing on me.

  2. DeeG, I cast my net for friends pretty far and wide, in regard to age, ethnicity, and sexual orientation. While I'm not living in The L Word ("Real" or otherwise), most are educated professionals (with me being the exception to the "educated" part :-p). Cooking and all else that accompanies hosting guests in one's home just seems to be a fading art form. I agree that it could be the proliferation of other options to blame. Sad, but true.

  3. Well I used to hang out with a circle of "wanna-be-power-lesbians" all under 30. Not a single one of them could do more then order out and throw out the boxes before we came over. But I think that their real problem was that they'd rather drink their dinner then eat it. They were all lushes BIG TIME.

    I however can barely handle drinking, but I do love to cook and bake. I'm a huge nerdo when it come to that. I have since found the perfect friend who we call Lesbian Bait. She doesn't drink, is a goddess in the kitchen and is straight. Perhaps her early years as a wife paid off after all. She's a lovely hostess. Better then any of my lesbian friends! Sad but true.

  4. OOOH, Sweetie and I both cook. This is both a blessing (good food) and a curse (weight gain).