This neon strappy sandal looks like the ones I bought at Rainbows on Kings Road in Brooklyn back when I was in high school. But there is already a waiting list for it at Jimmy Choo online and it is completely sold out in Manhattan. Why? Because straight women learned from Sex and the City that the more a shoe costs, the better it is and this baby is breaking all the records. At $2495.00, this bitch makes Christian Louboutin look like Payless.
What do you get for your money? A 5.1 inch heel, guaranteed to send you toppling to the floor after two drinks and an “eye-catching light up detail.” This detail is an LCD light in the platform that lasts for about 100 hours and no, you can’t replace the bulb once it goes out. So ladies, you officially have 100 hours to attract the man of your dreams in this Jimmy Choo proclaimed “dance shoe.” Because he won’t look at you if your shoes don’t light up…and then you will be ALONE FOREVER and you will buy CATS and there is nothing worse than that.
Don’t get me wrong. I love shoes. My type of shoe has a hidden platform, 4.25 heel and a peep toe, so I can either show off my pedicure or a really cute patterned knee sock that goes with, but doesn’t match any one of my array of micro mini-skirts. I can also spot a designer shoe from the other side of a subway platform, but I can’t get on board with the Zap. I just don’t understand it. The line has officially been crossed; I’m just too gay.
Natasia Langfelder
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